Director: Michael Bay
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Anthony Hopkins, Laura Haddock, John Turturro, Josh Duhamel, Stanley Tucci, Peter Cullen, Frank Welker, John Goodman, Ken Watanabe, Jarrod Carmichael, Santiago Cabrera, Isabela Moner, Gemma Chan, Steve Buscemi.
I've been hoping to finishing blogging about the previous Bay/Transformers movies before posting this but I am falling behind schedule, so they'll have to wait for the time being. Damn all these sequels/reboots coming out!
The latest, but I dare say, not the last of the Bay/Transformer franchise. You should be forgiven for forgetting, or getting confused about what has gone on before with stupid plot lines that entwine Earth's and Cybertron's history together.
There are absolutely pointless characters and needless scenes that could have simply been cut away. Its unbalanced and overloaded, the Decepticon recruitment as an example, feeling like a copy from the character introductions from films like Guardians of the Galaxy and Suicide Squad; and these aren't even the Usual Suspects but some invented characters. Well, I recognise the name, Onslaught however they go to all that effort for them to mean absolutely nothing but to be canon fodder.
Sir Anthony Hopkins' character and his odd cybertronian servant, Cogsworth spring into the franchise with little explanation as to why it's only now they make an appearance. Supposedly to protect a bigger secret than everything else the series has thrown at us. The only thing that peaks my interest regarding Hopkins, is why? Why would a seasoned actor such as Hopkins agree or, more intriguingly, want to star in such a mess. All of this just becomes more annoying and Cogsworth is like the love child of Jar Jar Binks and C3PO, if fact, he should have been named Cringeworth. And that warped moped transformer? He's like WALL·E/BB-8 mash-up, literally a mash-up.
All the characters, including the main bots and Wahlberg seem to flit in and out of the storyline to make way for the needless others. Izabella (Spelt with a 'Z' because like, really important to mention in the script) is almost forgotten about until the ridiculous finale. Optimus Prime disappears, and Turturro has nothing short of a cameo appearance. Wahlberg as overprotective father ditches his daughter almost as fast than Bay did with Megan Fox with number 3 with a weak plot filler of she's gone to university to actually grow-up and Dad just wants to play with his toys.
I suppose I should be pleased that the story turns its attention to my beloved home of Great Britain. But no, instead they butcher the legend of King Arthur and Tucci (why Tucci?) turns Merlin into a blabbering drunk. Using Stonehenge makes it so cliched and ultimately corny! Yes, it's iconic but it's far from being the oldest or larger stone circle in England. Avebury would have been a better choice, plus being unconventional and possibly educational. But the proud British part of me ranting about a completely trivial matter. I totally understanding why it's Stonehenge and not Avebury. But either way, never have I been so upset that the myths of this country be perverted so badly.
Jablonsky's score is just the same as what we're heard before. Which I suppose is consistent but there's nothing to comment about it, which is a shame because previously, he actually managed to compose interesting scores to the series whilst keeping in tune with the theme.
The original cartoon was actually far more serious than this. What is Bay thinking? Does he even care? I can't say he's got lazy because all the usual high-octane action is there but maybe it's far too much! Or they got lost along the way and for the majority of the movie I kept thinking they're just making this up as they go along. This series has unfortunately, rapidly got worse with each instalment and I keep asking my 12 year old self, if I like it. And the answer is a clear no. I really wish it was the last knight and it ended here but there's a massive plot development that just convolutes everything.
It's becoming over complicated with more moving myth than Prime's mechanics. Butchered and ridiculously weak story, it's already a disaster that's just getting worse. It's ran out of energon and needs to be put to rest.
Running Time: 5
The Cast: 6
Job Description: 1
The Extra Bonus Point: 0